What to Do If Your Child Is Bullying Others

Practical, compassionate advice for parents and carers who want to understand what's happening, stop harmful behaviour and help their child make positive changes.

Discovering that your child may be bullying someone else can be upsetting, confusing and difficult to accept.

You may feel embarrassed, defensive, angry or worried about what it means for your child's future.

But recognising the problem is an opportunity to make a real difference.

Children can learn from their mistakes, develop empathy and change their behaviour. What matters is taking the concerns seriously and helping them understand the effect of their actions.

Your child needs your support, but the bullying must stop.

Recognising Bullying Behaviour

Bullying isn't always physical. It can involve words, friendships, social pressure or online behaviour.

Verbal Bullying

Repeated name-calling, mocking, threats or comments intended to humiliate another child.

Social Exclusion

Deliberately leaving someone out, spreading rumours or encouraging others to reject them.

Online Bullying

Sending hurtful messages, sharing embarrassing material or using group chats to intimidate or exclude someone.

Intimidation and Control

Using threats, peer pressure, physical aggression or manipulation to frighten or control another child.

Not every disagreement or unkind remark is bullying. However, repeated harmful behaviour, particularly where there is an imbalance of power, needs to be addressed.

Learn more about bullying by exclusion.

Why Might a Child Bully Someone?

There is no single explanation for bullying behaviour.

Some children may be influenced by peer pressure, insecurity, difficulties managing emotions or behaviour they see around them. Others may be trying to gain status, control a friendship group or avoid becoming a target themselves.

Understanding possible influences can help parents respond constructively, but it does not excuse the behaviour or reduce the need to protect the child being harmed.

Separate the Child from the Behaviour

Labelling a child as a bully can make them feel that their behaviour defines who they are.

Instead, focus on the specific actions that need to change.

You might say:

"I love you and I want to understand what's happened. But hurting or humiliating someone is not acceptable, and we need to put it right."

This combines reassurance with clear responsibility.

Six Practical Steps for Parents

  1. Look at Their Influences.
    Consider the messages your child receives from friends, social media, games and other influences. Talk about behaviour that rewards cruelty, aggression or humiliation, and encourage positive role models.
  2. Reflect on Home Dynamics.
    Think about how disagreements, anger and criticism are handled at home. Children learn from what they see, so modelling respectful communication can help.
  3. Take Concerns Seriously.
    If a teacher, parent or another child raises a concern, listen carefully before reaching conclusions. Ask for details and avoid immediately dismissing the allegation.
  4. Explore What Is Behind the Behaviour.
    Ask calm, open questions. What happened? What were they feeling? Were they trying to impress friends or respond to a conflict? Listen without allowing explanations to become excuses.
  5. Teach Better Choices.
    Help your child understand the impact of their actions, develop empathy, manage disagreements and take responsibility. Work towards appropriate steps to repair harm.
  6. Stay Calm and Consistent.
    Avoid humiliation, threats or lengthy lectures. Set clear boundaries, follow through on reasonable consequences and recognise genuine improvements.

How to Talk to Your Child About Bullying

Choose a quiet moment when you can talk without interruptions.

Explain what you've heard, describe the behaviour that concerns you and invite your child to tell you what happened.

Questions might include:

  • "Can you tell me what happened from the beginning?"
  • "How do you think the other child felt?"
  • "What could you have done differently?"
  • "What can you do now to help make things better?"
  • "What support do you need to stop this happening again?"

Listen carefully, but keep your expectations clear. Your child is responsible for their behaviour, even if they were angry, upset or influenced by friends.

Helping Your Child Take Responsibility

An apology can be meaningful, but it is not always enough on its own.

Real change means understanding the harm caused and making different choices in future.

Develop Empathy

Encourage your child to think about how the other person may have felt and how they would want to be treated in a similar situation.

Practise Respectful Behaviour

Help them find better ways to manage anger, disagreements, jealousy or pressure from friends.

Repair Harm Appropriately

Work with the school on suitable ways to put things right. Don't insist on direct contact or an apology if the child who was harmed does not want it.

Recognise Positive Changes

Notice when your child shows kindness, handles frustration well or takes responsibility without making excuses.

Working with Your Child's School

If bullying has happened at school, a constructive relationship with staff can help prevent further incidents.

Ask what has been reported, what evidence is available and what steps the school plans to take.

Make it clear that you want to support your child while also ensuring that the behaviour stops.

Agree on appropriate boundaries, support and follow-up arrangements. It may help to arrange a review after a few weeks to check progress.

The wellbeing and safety of the child who has been bullied must remain a priority.

What If Your Child Denies Everything?

Some children may deny bullying because they are frightened of consequences, embarrassed or genuinely see the situation differently.

Avoid turning the conversation into an argument.

Explain the concerns calmly, gather information from the school and focus on the behaviour that needs to stop.

You can reassure your child that they will be heard while making it clear that harmful actions will be addressed.

When to Seek Additional Support

Some children need extra help to understand or change persistent behaviour.

Consider speaking to your child's school, GP or an appropriate professional if:

  • The bullying continues despite clear boundaries and support.
  • Your child regularly struggles to manage anger or aggression.
  • They show little understanding of the harm caused.
  • They are experiencing significant emotional or behavioural difficulties.
  • There are concerns about violence, threats or serious online harassment.

Seeking support is a positive step. It can help identify unmet needs and develop safer, healthier patterns of behaviour.

Helping Your Child Make a Fresh Start

Children are still learning how to manage emotions, friendships and disagreements.

With guidance, clear boundaries and consistent support, harmful patterns can change.

Encourage opportunities to practise cooperation, kindness, sportsmanship and respect.

Help your child understand that being admired or accepted by others should never depend on making someone else feel small.

A child who has bullied someone can learn to make better choices and build healthier relationships.

Further Advice and Support

These resources may help you understand your child's behaviour and decide what to do next.

NSPCC Behaviour Advice YoungMinds for Parents Anger Management Parents and Carers

Act Against Bullying provides information and signposting. If a child is at immediate risk of serious harm, call 999.