My child is a bully! What do I do?

Discovering your child has been bullying others can feel upsetting and confusing — but it’s also a chance to make a real difference.
This page offers clear, compassionate advice for parents and carers who want to understand why it’s happening and how to help their child take responsibility, build empathy, and make positive changes.

Having to admit my child is a bully can be an emotional and unsettling moment. But you’re not alone — many parents face this and take action that leads to real change. The most important step is understanding what’s behind the behaviour.

According to the NSPCC’s child behaviour guide 🔗, bullying can stem from anxiety, insecurity, peer pressure or experiences at home. YoungMinds 🔗 also offers advice for parents on managing emotions and behaviour in young people.

Once you understand the cause, you can take action. Our advice on anger management 🔹 and confidence-building  offers practical next steps to support your child’s growth and help them make better choices.

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🚨 What to do if my child is a bully?

Most anti-bullying advice supports victims. But what if your child is the one causing harm?

It’s tough to hear. No parent wants to imagine their child as a bully. The word conjures images of thugs—not the child you love. But bullying doesn’t always mean playground punches. It often hides behind sarcasm, exclusion, or screens.

🧭 Recognising the signs—and acting early—can make a world of difference.

🤔 Positive Steps You Can Take Right Now

First, let go of the shame. Bullying can happen in any family.

Children reflect the world around them—what they see, hear, and experience. Society has grown more competitive, more aggressive. TV, social media, adult conversations—it all seeps in.

What matters most is how you respond.

✅ My Child is a Bully; 6 Practical Steps for Parents

1️⃣ Look at Their Influences

Check what they’re watching, playing, or following. If their role models reward manipulation or aggression, redirect them toward content that encourages sportsmanship, kindness, or healthy friendships.

2️⃣ Reflect on Home Dynamics

Children mirror behaviour. Are they witnessing criticism, outbursts, or stress at home? What seems like bullying may be a reaction to anxiety or confusion.

3️⃣ Accept the Possibility

If a teacher or another parent raises a concern, don’t dismiss it. Stay calm, gather details, and listen. Reassure your child you’re on their side—but explain that change is needed.

4️⃣ My Child is a Bully – Get to the Root Cause

Ask open questions: Why do you think this happened? Were they scared of being left out? Trying to fit in? Trouble at school?
📖 Use personal stories to help them understand and relate.

5️⃣ Teach Better Choices

Make it clear: bullying damages friendships. Help them learn how to apologise, take responsibility, and treat others with respect.

6️⃣ Don’t Over-Dramatise

Avoid dramatic lectures or guilt-tripping. Stay calm.
Say: “I’m disappointed in the behaviour, not in you.” Let them know you believe in their ability to grow and change.

🔍 How to Recognise Bullying Behaviour in Your Child

Bullying comes in many forms—and isn’t always obvious. Your child may:

• ❌ Exclude others from games or chats
• 📱 Send hurtful messages online
• 🤐 Use peer pressure to control others
• 😏 Tease others about appearance or ability
• 🗯️ Make subtle threats

Children may bully due to insecurity, peer pressure, learning issues, or as a coping mechanism. Smart kids may use words instead of fists—manipulation over confrontation.

💭 How to Support Your Child and Move Forward

Children don’t need guilt-trips.
They need guidance, patience, and the chance to change. With the right support, a child who bullies today can become a role model tomorrow.

🗣️ Spot it. Talk about it. Help them change.