Exclusion Bullying

🚫 Exclusion Bullying – What It Is and What to Do

Feeling left out at school? You’re not alone.

Being left out on purpose hurts. It’s called exclusion bullying — a form of social bullying where someone gets deliberately pushed out of a group to cause emotional pain. It’s subtle, but it’s real. And it can be just as damaging as physical bullying.

🤔 Is It Bullying – or Just a Shift in Friendship?

Sometimes friendships shift. People form new groups. You might be new to the school, or you may not enjoy the same things — like drinking, sexting, or gossip. That’s not bullying. That’s life.

But when someone intentionally leaves you out to make you feel rejected, spreads rumours to isolate you, or encourages others to ignore you — that’s social exclusion bullying. And it’s not okay.

🧠 Why Being Left Out Hurts So Much

Science now backs up what many teens feel: being excluded triggers pain in the brain. Literally.

In the Cyberball Experiment, researchers had players throw a virtual ball to each other — and then deliberately ignore one of the players. The result? The excluded person’s brain showed the same response as physical pain. Being left out hurts like a punch. Bullies know this. That’s why they use it.

👀 What Might Be Going On

• You might be different — smarter, funnier, more confident. That can threaten insecure people.
• You might unknowingly challenge the group leader.
• You might stand out in a good way — and some can’t handle that.
• You might be too nice, which makes you an easy target.

Sometimes the nicer you are, the worse it gets. If you change your behaviour or act mean to fit in, it can backfire. You can’t win — because this isn’t about you. It’s about power.

🔍 6 Smart Strategies If You’re Being Excluded

1. Know What’s Happening

Bullies use exclusion to control social spaces. The more you understand the tactic, the less personal it feels. Recognise it for what it is: calculated behaviour to cause hurt.

2. Pick Your Confidant Wisely

Not everyone in the group will want to talk. They might fear being excluded themselves. Talk to someone outside the group — a parent, a mentor, a teacher — who can give perspective and support.

3. Stay Calm, Hide the Hurt

Bullies want a reaction. If you look confused or upset, it fuels them. Don’t give them that satisfaction. If they make up lies or act like nothing’s wrong, ignore them. Share your feelings privately, not publicly.

4. Choose Who You Trust

Exclusion bullying is hard to prove. It helps to confide in someone who truly knows you. Someone older, wiser, and emotionally strong. The right support makes the world of difference.

5. Don’t Give Them Ammo

If you’re invited to something — go. Even if it feels uncomfortable. Otherwise, bullies may claim you excluded yourself. Don’t give them that excuse.

6. Focus on What You Love

Bullies want to crush your spirit. Don’t let them. Do what brings you joy — music, sport, drama, writing, whatever lights you up. They hate a happy, confident target.

💭 Is It Always Bullying?

No — not all social exclusion equals bullying. But if it’s done deliberately, repeatedly, and causes you distress, then yes — it’s bullying.

💬 Final Thought

If you’re being left out at school, it’s not your fault. You’re not weak. You’re human. Want more advice on how to handle social bullying in the UK? Check out our Tips for Teens or get in touch with us at Act Against Bullying.

Cyberball: The Experiment That Proves Exclusion Hurts

Ever been left out for no reason? The silent treatment. No messages. No invite. Just blank looks across the classroom or office. That’s exclusion bullying — and it hurts more than we like to admit.

Professor Kipling Williams from Purdue University felt it too. He joined a casual Frisbee game in a park. After a few throws, the others stopped including him. No words. Just cold shoulders. Sound familiar?

He turned that moment into a game called Cyberball. It’s now used around the world to show the emotional damage caused by being left out.

What Is Cyberball?

Cyberball is a virtual ball-toss game. You think you’re playing with two other people online. At first, they throw you the ball like normal. Then suddenly… they don’t. They pass only to each other. You’re out.

Even though the game’s fake — and you know it — your brain reacts like it’s real. The regions linked to physical pain light up. That’s right. Being rejected feels the same as being hurt.

Why It Matters

It shows we haven’t changed at all. We like to think we’re independent. We’ve got smartphones, online friends, our own space. But when we’re shut out socially — especially by people we know — it still cuts deep.

This is exactly what happens with exclusion bullying in UK schools. A child is ignored on purpose. Left out of games. Not invited to parties. Not chosen in group work. Over time, this kind of social bullying chips away at confidence, motivation, and self-worth.

Cyberball proves the impact is real. It’s not just “kids being kids” or “a phase”. Being left out hurts — and science backs it up.

What You Can Do

If you’re a parent, teacher, or pupil who’s noticed someone getting left out at school — don’t ignore it. Even quiet exclusion is a form of bullying. And it causes lasting harm.

For help, advice, or to support our anti-bullying mission in the UK, get in touch with Act Against Bullying today.