Are you being left out on purpose?
Intentionally leaving someone out of a group can be a form of bullying. However, there are many reasons for being left out which is not. Maybe you’re different to the others, or you’re new to the group. Maybe they have formed friendships, and they think you’ll come between them. Perhaps you don’t like doing the things they do like sexting and drinking. Fine, let them do it.
Or it could even be that you are a bit too much of a star for their liking. Standing out from the crowd can be great. It’s thrilling to be top of the class, or smart, or pretty. But it can be not so great as well. The bad thing about being very good at things is that it can make others jealous. Girls in particular can be very competitive. If you are seen as a threat to ‘the group leader’ they could well push you out on purpose. Of course, you don’t know what you’ve done wrong. The nicer you are, the worse it gets. Then if you act mean towards them, or try to change to fit in, they just pick on you even more. You can’t win. They may even make up stories about you to turn your other friends against you.
We have always known that being left out of things on purpose can be painful. Now science is beginning to prove it. Feeling deliberately excluded causes the same sensation in a pain centre of the brain as an actual physical injury. This is why we find being suddenly made to feel left out as a ‘punishing blow’. Bullies know this too. That’s why they do it. It hurts.
Six tips if you think you’re being excluded:
2: Investigate with care
3: Hide your upset
4: Be careful who you confide in
5: Don’t give them excuses
6: Stay positive
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